Sure, here it is:
—
Alright, bear with me. This isn’t a joke. I know it might sound like it, but it isn’t. These words are out here on the internet, and for some reason, it feels serious. I’m not really sure why, but there you go.
So, apparently, there’s this new trailer out for GTA 6. I’ve been practically living under a rock—more like glued to my screen waiting for this thing. It’s like Nintendo’s got a remote to my brain, and I’m just here in suspense, which is kinda embarrassing, honestly. Anyway, I see there’s a bunch of new screenshots and character stuff online, like we’re all mini-detectives now.
But, and here’s the kicker, we won’t see GTA 6 drop until May 2026. I’m imagining myself huddled in a bunker on Mount Chiliad or something, because, of course, that makes total sense. The things we do for video games, right? Just sitting and picking apart every little detail while pretending I’m the main character from some old GTA mission. It gets dizzying. Maybe it’s different this time? Why am I saying that? Nothing’s ever enough. Not with this game.
So yeah, people think we’re getting another trailer, but who knows? I mean, GTA is big. Biggest since, what, forever? Probably since RTS games exploded, right?
I fire up the second trailer again. And maybe it’s weird, but it’s almost like I can hear every GTA character’s voice in my head as I watch it, like I’m some kind of weirdo. There’s a raccoon digging through trash or something, and—I don’t know why this part is stuck with me—I start Googling raccoon mating seasons like that’s gonna tell me the trailer’s release date. Kinda nuts, I know.
Anyway, moving on—wait, nope, back to… oh right, Jason Duval. He’s shirtless and I’m awkwardly counting hairs on the screen. More than I’d like to admit. Seriously, though, the detail is wild. I probably should be focusing on clues, but the whole thing’s just fascinating. I throw numbers at a wall, trying to make them stick. It’s pointless, but sort of fun?
The cash register shows a number upside down. Dial the number, why not? Of course, there’s no answer. I panic, try some math gymnastics—add up numbers like it matters. Then, I remember something about a moon phase or something, which somehow fits. Yeah, why not? Waxing Gibbous sounds like a character name or something.
There’s more, but I’m spiraling. I think Rockstar’s just messing with us, peacocking around or whatever. Signs everywhere. Do they mean anything? Who knows. The hype game is intense.
Then, this song comes on, something about being hot together. My mind’s on fire—so many connections that probably aren’t there. It’s like a rabbit hole I’m not sure I want to be in, but I’m too far to climb out.
Classic GTA chaos. It’s too much, and I’m looking at this webpage, the bio, and all that jazz.
Am I onto something? Probably not. But it felt good to have a little chaotic rant, you know? Maybe everything here is just a fun internet experiment. It’s not all true. Or is it?
